Just Curse

Life is full of unimaginably insane ideas, customs and rules. We all know what they are and they are tolerated. It would take many lifetimes to list them all, so instead, I will focus on one particular grievance of mine:

Cursing.

Not the abundance of cursing, but rather the lack thereof. 

First, let's deal with the obvious- there are no "bad" words. There are only what you consider to be "bad" words. "Fuck", "shit", "motherfucker", "cocksucker", etc. are not bad words. They are the appropriate, natural, non-contrived words to use in a variety of situations. Network TV shows have acknowledged this by inserting the phrase "son of a bitch" into all categories of character interactions in which the "bad" words would normally appear. The Irish & English have their own versions of catch-all-curse word: "bollux" & "sodding". 

This brings us to my second issue with cursing- the emotion behind the words is what matters most. For example, let's say me and you go into a business partnership and after a short period of time, it's clear that I have fucked you over. And you have decided to confront me, which leads to a passionate argument about what happened. You are disgusted with my business practices and walk out, but not before telling me, in an angry tone- "Screw you John." The phrase "Screw you" is just a cookie-cutter, fake version of "Fuck you". You might have said "Screw you", but you really meant "Fuck you." You gain absolutely nothing doing this.

Few things bother me more than adults using the word "poop" as a substitute for what they really meant to say: "shit." It happens all the time, in life and in entertainment. It's an unacceptable comedic crutch for people over 13 years-old (teenagers graduate from using the word "poop" to "crap"). Yet, in both low-brow and high-brow comedies, the word is consistently used. Even revered shows like "30 Rock" and "The Office" have used the word as the basis for a joke. Puncuating a joke with or centering a joke around the word "poop" is so fucking lazy. Instead of trying to dress up toilet humor in a suit of well-written dialogue, a lot of TV shows, movies and comedians take the opposite approach that Seinfeld did and use the childish term "poop." What do I mean by that, you ask? Here's a classic example: In comedic laymen's terms, George is telling Jerry how he had to stop fooling around with his girlfriend because he had to "poop":

George: "Well, it's this little place with this little bathroom. It's like right there, you know, it's not even down a little hall or off in an alcove. You understand? There's no... buffer zone. So, we start to fool around, and it's the first time, and it's early in the going. And I begin to perceive this impending... intestinal requirement, whose needs are going to surpass by great lengths anything in the sexual realm. So I know I'm gonna have to stop. And as this is happening I'm thinking, even if I can somehow manage to momentarily...extricate myself from the proceedings and relieve this unstoppable force, I know that that bathroom is not gonna provide me with the privacy that I know I'm going to need..."

That's how you tell a shit joke as an intelligent adult. Seinfeld properly weaves toilet humor into a quality show, without resorting to using the word "poop". It's easy to imagine how writers with less ability would have written that scene...

In the end, in terms of comedy and life itself, it's best to remember this one rule:

Children poop, teenagers crap and adults shit.